Couples Mediation
When the same disagreement keeps coming back
Sometimes the problem is the disagreement itself. Sometimes the bigger problem is what happens between you every time you try to talk about it. The conversation may start reasonably enough. A few minutes later, you are making the same arguments, each of you feels the other is missing the point, and nothing really gets decided. The issue may be money, parenting, responsibilities at home, sex, family, or a decision about the future. Or it may be several things at once.
Working on the problem — and what keeps getting in the way
I came to couples mediation after years of doing both couples counseling and divorce mediation. Over time, I began using mediation techniques with couples who had no intention of separating. They needed help understanding what was happening between them, but they also wanted to actually resolve the issue they kept getting stuck on. That combination is now central to how I work. As a Clinical Psychologist and Certified Couples Mediator, I can pay attention to what is happening between the two of you without losing sight of the problem you came in to address. An argument about money may already have years of resentment attached to it. One of you may think you are discussing fairness while the other is hearing criticism. Or you may spend so much time arguing about how the conversation is going that the original issue disappears entirely. I will point out where I think that is happening, help each of you say more clearly what you are actually asking for, and keep us working on the problem rather than simply repeating the argument.
Your relationship doesn’t have to be in crisis
Some couples come in with one issue they have been unable to get past. Others have several areas where conversations keep going nowhere. You do not need to come in ready to work on your entire relationship. We can start with what the two of you are stuck on now.
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