Divorce Mediation
Divorce involves difficult decisions about children, finances, property, and what comes next. Mediation provides a structured way to work through those decisions without turning every disagreement into a larger conflict. As a psychologist and mediator, I help couples separate the practical issues from the emotions surrounding them, clarify where they actually disagree, and work toward realistic agreements. You do not need to agree about the past. The focus is on deciding what happens next.
You Do Not Have to Agree About the Past
Divorcing couples often get stuck because they are trying to solve two different problems at once.
One is practical: What happens with the children? The house? Support? Expenses? Schedules?
The other is emotional: Who was responsible? Who sacrificed more? Who is being unfair?
Those questions can become tangled together.
A disagreement about a pickup schedule may partly be about time with the children. A disagreement about money may also carry years of resentment about who contributed what.
Mediation does not require you to settle the history of the marriage.
The work is to identify what actually needs to be decided now and determine whether you can reach workable agreements about what happens next.
- parenting schedules and custody arrangements
- decision-making regarding children
- child support and related expenses
- spousal support
- property and financial responsibilities
- housing and living arrangements
- specific issues preventing a broader settlement
Some couples need help with nearly every part of the divorce. Others have already agreed on most things and are stuck on one or two issues.
Both can be appropriate for mediation.
How I Work
My background as both a psychologist and mediator shapes the way I approach divorce mediation.
I am often listening for both the practical disagreement and the emotional meaning attached to it, because the second is often what keeps the first from getting resolved.
Divorce negotiations are rarely only about numbers or schedules. Anger, fear, mistrust, resentment, and concern about children often enter the room whether anyone intends them to or not.
Ignoring those emotions usually does not make them disappear.
At the same time, mediation cannot become an endless discussion of the relationship.
When a discussion becomes circular, I will usually help slow it down enough to identify what each person is trying to protect, where the disagreement actually is, and what realistic options remain.
The goal is not to eliminate emotion.
It is to keep emotion from making every decision impossible.
The Goal Is a Workable Agreement, Not a Winner
Mediation is different from an adversarial process.
The purpose is not to prove that one person is more reasonable, more deserving, or more responsible for what happened.
It is to reach decisions that both of you can accept well enough to move forward.
That usually requires compromise.
It also requires recognizing when a current disagreement is really carrying older hurt that the divorce process itself is unlikely to resolve.
How We Work Through the Issues
Most sessions involve both parties.
We begin by identifying what needs to be resolved and separating areas of agreement from areas of disagreement.
Then we work through the unresolved issues one at a time.
Some can be resolved quickly. Others require additional information, time to consider options, or consultation with attorneys, accountants, or other professionals.
The process stays focused on the decisions that actually need to be made.
Mediation and Attorneys
A mediator is neutral and does not represent either party.
You may choose to consult with your own attorney during the mediation process, and many people have an attorney review a proposed agreement before it is finalized.
Mediation is where the two of you negotiate. Your attorney, if you have one, advises you about your individual legal interests.
When Mediation May Be a Good Fit
You do not need to have an amicable relationship.
You do not need to communicate particularly well.
You do not need to agree about what happened in the marriage.
What you do need is enough willingness on both sides to participate seriously, share the information needed to make decisions, and consider solutions.
If that is present, mediation can provide a more focused and less adversarial way to work through difficult decisions.
Starting the Process
The first step is a brief consultation to determine whether mediation makes sense for your situation.
Schedule a Consultation
A brief consultation gives us a chance to talk about what you’re looking for and whether I may be able to help